Stupid Americans!

Okay, first I would like to say that I myself am an American. I pledge allegiance to the flag like every other citizen of this fair country. Wake up people, don't you all realize what your doing?

Zombie Theme Park
Zombie Walks
Zombie Pranks

These are just a few of the mindless things Americans do when given a true apocalyptic event. They make it a joke and have fun with the problem.

A zombie theme park is okay if your trying to promote survival, but don't charge admittance. Your providing the attendees important survival knowledge for when the apocalypse does happen.

Zombie walks? Do we dress up as drunken drivers or the Bubonic Plague to celebrate things that kill us? No, we don't. So why are we dressing up as undead killers?

The Miami Cannibal provoked many people to try and get a rise out of the growing fear of cannibal/zombie attacks. This guy on the link attempts this idiotic stunt and not only succeeds in frightening some people, but also gets a gun pointed at him, a basketball thrown at him, and at the end of the video he clearly gets beat up. That isn't shown, but that would be the highlight of that video.

George Romero also shows Americans having fun with the undead in his movie Land of the Dead. How are we survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse supposed to decipher the undead and those that are only actors?

Don't celebrate the undead, shoot them in head. Make sure they aren't stupid living people first.

Have a happy Fourth of July and remember, fireworks distract the undead.

Training Sessions

All right everyone let's face it, the Zombie Apocalypse has not happened yet. How do we train for something that catastrophic? We can't go outside with our rifles and start popping people in the heads. Well, we could but I don't advise it. Video games my fellow survivors. They provide intense situations that call for preparedness and fast reflexes. Here are a few that can be used as decent zombie training.

Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare
This is the only game that I know where you have to shoot the zombie in the head for it to go down. The limited amount of ammunition is realistic and the fact that you get to ride on the four horses of the Apocalypse, even though it pertains to nothing we are discussing, is still bad a$$.

The Left 4 Dead series
Just in case the zombies that eventually make themselves known are fast, running, and can explode in a pile of goo then we have ourselves the ultimate in zombie virtual training. Seriously though, teamwork is essential when the Zombie Apocalypse happens and in this series teamwork is how a person survives. Add in the realistic settings and the sense of utter hopelessness when a horde of the undead run around the corner heading your way make for an interesting and worthwhile training tool.

The Dead Rising series
These games take Left 4 Dead and make the game funny. Dressing up as a Lego man and incinerating the undead using a Mega Man Blaster is just breathtaking. The reason it makes the list is its use of everyday weapons that can be used. Lawn Mowers gain a whole new meaning.

Call of Duty Black Ops & World at War
These games are similar to the Left 4 Dead series only they don't involve special infected. Again the use of teamwork, limited ammo, and even the barricades are prime reasons one should play these games to prepare for the living dead.

Dead Island
I almost forgot about this game. Not surprising as I had to literally throw the game down in frustration. I love this game, but it is a pain in my butt. Take Left 4 Dead and mix it with Grand Theft Auto and you have a game that is pure brilliance. The creation of weapons, enhancing on already created ones, the durability factor, and the story gives players chills. Oh, I also love the main theme song. Anyone that says they beat this game without any help from others, I call shenanigans.

Resident Evil
I would never say that the last few RE games were bad, far from it, but stay away from RE 4 and 5 if you want a pure zombie hunting experience. The last two have nothing to do with the zombies that are under consideration. The others are a great tool when you consider limited inventory, ammo, and the occasional time when combining a red and a green plant to create something that heals you. I know it's weird that every home in Raccoon City would have these plants, but not weird when you watch the movies. I would never say that the last few RE games were bad, but the last few movies were. Ouch, it hurts just thinking about them.

Anyway, take care and if I've forgotten any that can be used as an extreme zombie annihilation tool, please feel free to comment. 

P.S.
Paul W.S. Anderson: You should be ashamed of what you've done to the Resident Evil games.

Early Onset Zombies

So, I ask you all out there in the internet world: What is the logical explanation for this picture? A zombie outbreak happened and a last ditch attempt was made to board up the house. OR it is a picture taken of Flint, Michigan?

Well, unfortunately for both myself and for the inhabitants of this house there hasn't been an undead outbreak. It's just a typical house one would find in Flint, Michigan.

I don't wish to give the impression that every house in Flint, Michigan advertises Human Sacrifices. The picture speaks for itself on that account. Anyway there is some good values to learn from this picture. Take for instance the boarded up windows and door. This is an excellent way to prevent zombies, and robbers, from bursting into your living room.

Plus it also speaks to the darker side of zombie survivors. The sign, graffiti hopefully, in a zombified world would offer ominous tidings to anyone that tries to enter. One reason for the sign would be that it is used to scare off potential living robbers.

The second reason would be that the inhabitants inside have zombified relatives and they believe that there is some cure. Anyone stupid enough to enter would become the main course to uncle undead Fred.

Finally, the third reason is that the inhabitants inside need living people to distract the zombies outside the house in order for the occupants to escape. The only way this blogger knows how to distract a zombie is to provide them with a meal.

Well, hopefully this has been an informative post not just for survivors of the zombie apocalypse, but for those living in Flint, Michigan. Don't enter houses with signs on them advertising a Miami Special.

Picture Credit

Weaponized Wednesdays

Welcome back all you Zombie Hunters to Weaponized Wednesdays! This edition I will glorify the use of the .44 Magnum. Some may think that this isn't an actual weapon, but it is an essential part of one. Without the appropriate ammunition, we would be lunch for the zombie hordes outside our doors.
When compared to the 9mm, the .44 is more effective against zombies. Here are the advantages of the 9mm:
1. They are cheap compared to the .44
2. They can stop human attackers effectively.
3. They are common throughout the gun world.
4. The cartridge size of most guns using 9mm are larger.

These are all great reasons for using the 9mm in normal times. This cannot be said for the Zombie Apocalypse. The .44 magnum is my personal choice for many reasons:
1. Dirty Harry used a .44 Smith & Wesson. Shouldn't that be enough? No, oh well.
2. I have a feeling that one shot of .44 to a zombie's head will pretty much clean it out while the 9mm might miss the essential part of the brain that needs destroyed. Maybe that's why 9mm pistols need more than 6 shots.
3. In the words of Peter Griffin: "C'Mon"

This is just my personal choice of ammunition and not by any means a scientific research involving double blind surveys. If someone tries to blind fold a zombie, you better have a .44 around. Join us next time for another wonderful Weaponized Wednesday!

Picture Credit

Cannibals Vs. Zombies: Who Bites and why?

Due to recent articles including the Miami cannibal attacks and the mother eating her child, the differences between Zombies and Cannibals must be cleared. That way we can determine how to deal with them when they come for dinner.

Round One: Intelligence
While zombies are able to manipulate small objects and have a lack of motor skills, the cannibals are the exact opposite. Some are even able to manipulate normal people into eating their own brains.
Winner: Cannibal

Round Two: Odds of Encounter
Let's face it sportsfans, the Zombie Apocalypse is still in the horizon. The Carnival of Cannibals however has been spinning their carousel for many a years.
Winner: Cannibal

Round Three: Deadliness
Zombies are tough to kill, have an incredible way of spreading their disease, plus they have numbers. Cannibals are easy to kill (one shot to the gut), have no diseases (we hope), and are few in number (we hope).
Winner: Zombie

Ultimate Winner: Cannibal
I really was voting for the zombie throughout this entire match, but the numbers are against me. Plus I think it would be sorta unethical to blog about killing cannibals. They are human after all, but isn't that why we love zombies? Because they aren't human, but still look like us?

Joke of the Day:
Two cannibals are eating a zombie. (I know, but go with me on this.)
One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
The other one turns and says, "MWARRR!!!"
Get it? He turned into a zombie cause he ate a zombie. Fun Times!

Weaponized Wednesdays!

Welcome to Weaponized Wednesdays where I'll review an awesome zombie slaying weapon that when the zombie apocalypse begins, you'll be rip roaring and ready to eradicate your way through the undead horde! The first weapon to grace the inaugural Wednesday blog is the Crowbar!!!

....what? ....a crowbar? You're probably wondering what makes a crowbar an ideal tool against the undead horde. Here are my reasons why I like this tool:
1. A crowbar doesn't need bullets. Nuff said.
2. Either end can be used as a way to bash in the skull of a zombie.
3. You don't need a permit to carry this item inside your car.
4. It's a multipurpose tool. If you need to open up a door that has been nailed shut, this is your tool.
5. It's rather inexpensive when compared to a handgun.
6. The Joker killed Robin with a crowbar. It should be able to handle a few zombies.
7. It's silent.
 The last post I talked about being prepared in case an infection broke out while you're in transit. The crowbar makes a great weapon mostly for the fact that it's legal to own and carry around. It's also nice because it doesn't cause loud gunshots that would alert the walking dead to your location. Plus it fits in your backpack. Overall, I believe the crowbar to be one of the best melee weapons when engaging zombies.
It was eerie to read about the Miami Cannibal attack. I would like to know what you, the readers, thoughts are about the attack. Was it the start of the zombie apocalypse or was it just a man tweaked out on LCD?


Picture Credit

Traffic Jam from Hell

http://www.my-hometownrealty.com/where-to-find-america

%E2%80%99s-worst-drivers

You're on your way home from a stressful day dealing with idiots who act like mindless zombies when you stop unexpectedly on the road due to a traffic jam, much like the one portrayed in this photo. You're about to get out when chaos erupts from everywhere. Gun shots, helicopters buzzing above, waves of bloodied pedestrians walking/running past your car occupy your attention at once. Switching the radio on, all you here is a generic emergency broadcast message. Outside, passersby’s speak of cannibals and zombies, their loved ones coming back from the gates of hell to attack the living. Your worst fear is realized and you are miles from your well-fortified house. The telltale moaning that accompanies the legions of the dead can be heard over the battlefield that has become State Road 31. Are you prepared to face the undead horde with what you have in your trunk? Follow these three steps to find out!

Step One: Don't Panic! Since you are reading this, it means that the scenario above hasn't happened and you have time to prepare for it. Unless you’re in the traffic jam using an iPhone. I suggest not trying to brain the zombies with your iPhone. They weren’t made for that.

Step Two: Pack an emergency backpack that will hold everything you’ll need. You’ll have to abandon the car because of the traffic jam. It would be pointless. The contents of your pack will vary depending on your environment. If you live in a generally cold place make sure to pack your fuzzy mittens. The essentials though should contain: First Aid Kit, “The Zombie Survival Guide”, energy bars, bottled water, a map of the city/state, comfortable hiking shoes, and a weapon.

Step Three: When traveling, be it alone or in a group, confront zombies as little as possible. It’s a time saver as well as a life saver. The television show, “The Walking Dead” provide examples of avoiding confrontation. The link is from AMC’s website. There is mature content in the way of blood and zombified gore. Click here to view the video.

Next blog I’ll discuss what types of weapons are suitable to defend yourself from zombies. Please comment with your preferred way of sending zombies back to where they belong and join me next time to see if your weapon of choice is up to snuff.

About This Blog

Zombie culture has always had a grip on my leg, gnawing on me since I was in middle school. I'm infected with the mythology of the dead returning to walk the Earth. It first started when I watched George A. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" at a friend’s house. "Dawn of the Dead" soon followed and after that I was lost inside the horde of the walking dead. It wasn't the gore, horrible make-up, or the cheesy dialogue in Romero's movies that made them classic in my opinion; it was the conflict inside the last bastions of humanity. Sure, Uncle Alfred is outside the house with hunger in his cold vacant eyes, but let's kill one another for control of the group. Great idea!

That’s enough about me, onto the blog! If asked whether or not the zombie apocalypse is on the horizon most people would say no. It’s impossible they say, but many people believed Harold Camping, a Christian radio broadcaster, when he led people to believe that the world was ending on May 21, 2011 and would continue till October 21, 2011 when the world would ultimately be destroyed. After 3,000 billboards, $140,000 advertising costs, many life savings squandered, their efforts culminated on Saturday May 21, 2011. I slept till noon that day so I might have missed an apocalyptic event that tore the planet asunder. Oh well.

Far be it for me to tarnish a good apocalypse prediction, but if there were to be an event that completely destroys the world as we know it, shouldn’t it be something that we can all walk away from? Even the movie “2012”, a film about the planet’s core heats up causing global flooding, had an escape plan. Almost every apocalyptic event can be walked away from and the undead apocalypse is no exception. All it takes is planning and preparation. This blog will hopefully teach you to prepare for the zombie apocalypse whether you’re in the middle of the road when the undead rise or if you’re secure in your house looking out between the wooden planks that enforce your windows.

Just remember: It’s not a matter of “if”, it’s a matter of when.