Cannibals Vs. Zombies: Who Bites and why?

Due to recent articles including the Miami cannibal attacks and the mother eating her child, the differences between Zombies and Cannibals must be cleared. That way we can determine how to deal with them when they come for dinner.

Round One: Intelligence
While zombies are able to manipulate small objects and have a lack of motor skills, the cannibals are the exact opposite. Some are even able to manipulate normal people into eating their own brains.
Winner: Cannibal

Round Two: Odds of Encounter
Let's face it sportsfans, the Zombie Apocalypse is still in the horizon. The Carnival of Cannibals however has been spinning their carousel for many a years.
Winner: Cannibal

Round Three: Deadliness
Zombies are tough to kill, have an incredible way of spreading their disease, plus they have numbers. Cannibals are easy to kill (one shot to the gut), have no diseases (we hope), and are few in number (we hope).
Winner: Zombie

Ultimate Winner: Cannibal
I really was voting for the zombie throughout this entire match, but the numbers are against me. Plus I think it would be sorta unethical to blog about killing cannibals. They are human after all, but isn't that why we love zombies? Because they aren't human, but still look like us?

Joke of the Day:
Two cannibals are eating a zombie. (I know, but go with me on this.)
One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
The other one turns and says, "MWARRR!!!"
Get it? He turned into a zombie cause he ate a zombie. Fun Times!

Weaponized Wednesdays!

Welcome to Weaponized Wednesdays where I'll review an awesome zombie slaying weapon that when the zombie apocalypse begins, you'll be rip roaring and ready to eradicate your way through the undead horde! The first weapon to grace the inaugural Wednesday blog is the Crowbar!!!

....what? ....a crowbar? You're probably wondering what makes a crowbar an ideal tool against the undead horde. Here are my reasons why I like this tool:
1. A crowbar doesn't need bullets. Nuff said.
2. Either end can be used as a way to bash in the skull of a zombie.
3. You don't need a permit to carry this item inside your car.
4. It's a multipurpose tool. If you need to open up a door that has been nailed shut, this is your tool.
5. It's rather inexpensive when compared to a handgun.
6. The Joker killed Robin with a crowbar. It should be able to handle a few zombies.
7. It's silent.
 The last post I talked about being prepared in case an infection broke out while you're in transit. The crowbar makes a great weapon mostly for the fact that it's legal to own and carry around. It's also nice because it doesn't cause loud gunshots that would alert the walking dead to your location. Plus it fits in your backpack. Overall, I believe the crowbar to be one of the best melee weapons when engaging zombies.
It was eerie to read about the Miami Cannibal attack. I would like to know what you, the readers, thoughts are about the attack. Was it the start of the zombie apocalypse or was it just a man tweaked out on LCD?


Picture Credit

Traffic Jam from Hell

http://www.my-hometownrealty.com/where-to-find-america

%E2%80%99s-worst-drivers

You're on your way home from a stressful day dealing with idiots who act like mindless zombies when you stop unexpectedly on the road due to a traffic jam, much like the one portrayed in this photo. You're about to get out when chaos erupts from everywhere. Gun shots, helicopters buzzing above, waves of bloodied pedestrians walking/running past your car occupy your attention at once. Switching the radio on, all you here is a generic emergency broadcast message. Outside, passersby’s speak of cannibals and zombies, their loved ones coming back from the gates of hell to attack the living. Your worst fear is realized and you are miles from your well-fortified house. The telltale moaning that accompanies the legions of the dead can be heard over the battlefield that has become State Road 31. Are you prepared to face the undead horde with what you have in your trunk? Follow these three steps to find out!

Step One: Don't Panic! Since you are reading this, it means that the scenario above hasn't happened and you have time to prepare for it. Unless you’re in the traffic jam using an iPhone. I suggest not trying to brain the zombies with your iPhone. They weren’t made for that.

Step Two: Pack an emergency backpack that will hold everything you’ll need. You’ll have to abandon the car because of the traffic jam. It would be pointless. The contents of your pack will vary depending on your environment. If you live in a generally cold place make sure to pack your fuzzy mittens. The essentials though should contain: First Aid Kit, “The Zombie Survival Guide”, energy bars, bottled water, a map of the city/state, comfortable hiking shoes, and a weapon.

Step Three: When traveling, be it alone or in a group, confront zombies as little as possible. It’s a time saver as well as a life saver. The television show, “The Walking Dead” provide examples of avoiding confrontation. The link is from AMC’s website. There is mature content in the way of blood and zombified gore. Click here to view the video.

Next blog I’ll discuss what types of weapons are suitable to defend yourself from zombies. Please comment with your preferred way of sending zombies back to where they belong and join me next time to see if your weapon of choice is up to snuff.

About This Blog

Zombie culture has always had a grip on my leg, gnawing on me since I was in middle school. I'm infected with the mythology of the dead returning to walk the Earth. It first started when I watched George A. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" at a friend’s house. "Dawn of the Dead" soon followed and after that I was lost inside the horde of the walking dead. It wasn't the gore, horrible make-up, or the cheesy dialogue in Romero's movies that made them classic in my opinion; it was the conflict inside the last bastions of humanity. Sure, Uncle Alfred is outside the house with hunger in his cold vacant eyes, but let's kill one another for control of the group. Great idea!

That’s enough about me, onto the blog! If asked whether or not the zombie apocalypse is on the horizon most people would say no. It’s impossible they say, but many people believed Harold Camping, a Christian radio broadcaster, when he led people to believe that the world was ending on May 21, 2011 and would continue till October 21, 2011 when the world would ultimately be destroyed. After 3,000 billboards, $140,000 advertising costs, many life savings squandered, their efforts culminated on Saturday May 21, 2011. I slept till noon that day so I might have missed an apocalyptic event that tore the planet asunder. Oh well.

Far be it for me to tarnish a good apocalypse prediction, but if there were to be an event that completely destroys the world as we know it, shouldn’t it be something that we can all walk away from? Even the movie “2012”, a film about the planet’s core heats up causing global flooding, had an escape plan. Almost every apocalyptic event can be walked away from and the undead apocalypse is no exception. All it takes is planning and preparation. This blog will hopefully teach you to prepare for the zombie apocalypse whether you’re in the middle of the road when the undead rise or if you’re secure in your house looking out between the wooden planks that enforce your windows.

Just remember: It’s not a matter of “if”, it’s a matter of when.